In Half 1, I mentioned how rats supposed for college studying experiments could be motivated to carry out by ravenous them to solely 85% of their regular physique weight previous to an experiment.
Wives subconsciously observe comparable logic once they dole out intercourse to their husbands. By protecting him in a state of “shortage” relating to intercourse, she will be able to manipulate him extra simply.
And there additionally, there’s “a candy spot”. In any case, if she cuts him again too drastically, she raises the chance that he’ll be motivated to get a mistress and maybe a divorce as nicely.
Why do girls do that? As a result of it really works. That’s, it really works within the brief time period. And that is the timeframe that nervous methods had been designed to give attention to.
Now let’s shift over to a male perspective: hubby wants intercourse at a sure charge however the spouse is doling it out extra slowly. What is the man to do?
If he hadn’t married, he may ship her packing and search for a extra accommodating lady good friend. However since he’s married, he is signed away his most vital authorized proper: the precise to stroll away with out incurring heavy monetary penalties. And that is very true if he and his spouse have youngsters already.
So hubby is prone to do what individuals have achieved from time immemorial when caught up in a dominance hierarchy during which they cannot insurgent overtly with out extreme penalties:
They turn into passive-aggressive.
Masturbation is partly the answer for a married man to “make up the shortfall” when a spouse is doling intercourse out much less incessantly than he’d prefer it. However it can also function a type of passive-aggression. It gives each advantages concurrently.
Let’s use an instance for instance: suppose that hubby’s preferrred charge could be to have intercourse each different day however that his spouse could have intercourse with him no extra usually than each third or fourth day. Naturally he’ll turn into sexually annoyed. And relying on how a lot he finally ends up having to grovel in an effort to get her to be extra accommodating, he’ll even be resentful about having needed to grovel. He’ll really feel powerless as a result of he’s powerless.
He cannot do something about it instantly (as she holds the playing cards, sexually and legally) however he will not prefer it. And his resentment will develop over time because the scenario repeats itself. It’s going to eat at him. He will not have the ability to clear up the issue however he’ll categorical his resentments not directly.
If it retains up for lengthy, he’ll flip to masturbation…”If she will not do it, I am going to do it myself!”
That takes the sting off bodily. It reduces his emotions of powerlessness. And if he lets her “uncover” that he masturbates, he also can “get even” at some stage. She makes him really feel insufficient as a person (by not desirous to sleep with him fairly often) so he returns the favor by making her really feel insufficient as a girl (for being even much less fascinating than “no lady in any respect”).
If he solves the issue by having an affair on the facet, that carries dangers. It is dishonest and for the remainder of their time collectively (assuming she does not divorce him instantly) she’ll by no means let him neglect that he cheated on her.
However masturbation is a “victimless crime” right here. It is not truly dishonest (since nobody else is concerned) so it isn’t technically prohibited. However it’s nonetheless a strategy to convey displeasure and on the identical time feign innocence.
That is a major dynamic: in the case of why married males masturbate, there is a good likelihood that she’s rationing intercourse in an effort to regulate him and he is resisting the leash.